Why did this need to be done in outer space? Did Swampy make this game himself? Maybe I missed the scene establishing that Swampy spent the last 20 years getting a degree in Game Design from Devry, because I was pretty sure he was a homeless alcoholic. There is so much of this I cannot begin to understand. …to either all televisions in the world, or just the one in the swamp that all frogs watch. This causes the space station to broadcast… this… He then heads inside and shoves a CD into a computer. Swampy, our beleaguered hero, docks his rocket ship on a space station. But I can’t understand the shit that goes down once Swampy launches himself into space. Where could the story even go from here? Well, apparently the first step in Swampy’s plan is to fling baby frogs into pyramids. This cut scene was the point at which I set down my controller and whispered to my Playstation, “ You did this.” It’s impossible to not watch this video like a hundred times in a row. Everything looks not just awful, but like an entirely different dimension where everything is made of spooky angles, jitters, and the sounds of dying Muppets. Honestly, this cut scene is less conceptually insane than the first, but you really need to see it to understand. He leaves behind a trail of baby frogs, because I guess he doesn’t care about anything. Swampy makes a slow escape, and his bag rips open in the most sickeningly alien way, like a hole being ripped in space itself. His amphibian lust temporarily satiated, Frogger notices Swampy and lets loose a blood-curling scream to the heavens. This further displays the true message of this game: Frogger is a callous dickhead. As Swampy blatantly kidnaps every frog in the area, Frogger and Frogette ignore the problem and nuzzle their heads together. While they stare into space, Swampy pops up from behind a rock and begins shoving baby frogs into a bag. It’s also apparent by this point that our heroes face absolutely every situation with a horrifying, dead-eyed stare. Having ignored their insane circumstances in the city, Frogger and Froggette are sitting on lily pads in a swamp. They’re equal parts horrifying and baffling. So that’s insane, but maybe other cut scenes clean up the loose ends. This is the most meta thing I’ve ever seen, and this game was made in 2000, before anyone even said “meta.” Was Swampy’s path in life predetermined by fate? How could the posters for the game exist before Swampy put the events of the game in motion? IS THERE ANY FREE WILL!? His revenge plot is set in motion when he sees an advertisement for the video game he is in, which is already subtitled Swampy’s Revenge. The main villain of this game is a revenge-seeking background alligator from the original Frogger. Luckily, he’s rescued by his… frog girlfriend…? But then a BOULDER APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE in the middle of the city, poised to crush our hero. Frogger jumps out of the way, and Swampy shakes his fist in frustration. In response to this, Swampy gets into a truck(?) and immediately tries to run over Frogger, who is sitting in the middle of a busy city street for no discernible reason. Seeing Frogger is a bit of a trigger for Swampy, who has a flashback to 1984, when Frogger jumped on his back to get across the river. You may be asking, “who is Swampy?” Well, the game tells us when this drunken asshole catches sight of… uh, posters advertising Frogger 2: Swampy’s Revenge. The game begins with Swampy, a disgusting mess who is ostensibly an alligator but clearly a dinosaur, drunkenly wandering down the street without a purpose. He agreed, and then proceeding to make… something. But it appears that after completing a decent game, Konami assigned a single underpaid programmer to design and create the cut scenes to shove between the levels. You hop around a level, hit switches, and rescue baby frogs. Here’s the thing about Swampy’s Revenge: the gameplay is very similar to its predecessor. Maybe it’s because Konami released Frogger 2: Swampy’s Revenge in 2000, and everyone who played it went insane. The franchise was poised for… well, not greatness, but certainly existence. This was a sensible reboot that put Frogger into a 3D, polygonal world, made him look more like an expressive frog and less like a pile of pixels, and translated the grid-based movement of the original into an adventure setting. There was an ’84 sequel, but more well remembered by children of the 80s and 90s is the 1997 reboot game (also called Frogger ) for the Playstation. The original 1981 arcade game is so engrained in pop culture, it’s what your grandma thinks all video games are like.īut for a decade afterward, Frogger didn’t do much frogging. Do you play video games? Have you never heard the term video game before? Either way, you probably know about Frogger.
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